Hidden anger, that rage, long silenced and swallowed by force, can change our personality. The disappointments experienced, the failures, the damage suffered and not managed, the lost illusions and every trip that has emerged in our path leaves a mark on us, and often transmutes into anger. In case of not managing these internal realities, we will drag a constant discomfort.
Anger is another of the most unknown emotions for a large part of the population. Often, we associate it with those outbursts in which the dark side of the human being emerges, where we end up saying or doing things that we later regret. Now, something remarkable about it is that in most cases the anger does not emerge, it does not manifest, but we hide it and it is veiled in an underlying way.
This emotion also has a quantitative problem, and that is that the more accumulated psychological distress generates. An excess of anger does not always translate into a face eternally angry, someone who goes around the world pushing, shouting or responding in an inappropriate way. This emotion generates anguish, fatigue, translates into bad mood, anxiety and, in many cases, even a depressive disorder.
Let’s see more data below.
«Anger is the bodyguard of sadness».
Hidden anger, camouflaged emotion that we forget to control
It may be striking, but the human being can live with hidden anger for practically his entire existence. Something like suffer the abandonment of a parent or abuse, for example, can be in many cases the root of that problem that ends up shaping our personality.
The anger, after all, is nothing more than the conjunction of several emotions chiseling a heavy stone that one can choose to carry for a long time. It integrates sadness, the feeling of injustice, anguish and often, also fear. Fear that certain things will re-emerge, and an absolute fear of feeling vulnerable again. All this is catalyzed in rage, in a formless and lasting malaise that occupies everything and blurs it at the same time.
Anger, fury, anger, irritability, aggression, tension, loss of control … All these terms are the first that most come to mind when we think of anger. Relating it in this way is not an error, but the truth is that people do not always react in this way when experiencing this emotion.
Dr. Thomas Denson, of the University of Michigan (United States) explained to us in a study that there are different ways of feeling anger. There are those who express it and are also those who silence it and carry it with it in a camouflaged manner. The latter, those characterized by hidden anger, tend to nourish it even more through ruminant thinking. Something like that ends up taking its toll on his behavior and personality.
What are the characteristics of hidden anger in a person?
Having lived several affective failures. Experience the fact that a close relative or significant other betrayed us. Not having achieved an important goal for us. All these realities are some examples of the origin of that hidden anger that many people feel.
Let’s see, however, what signs usually show:
- Mistrust, clear difficulty in trusting those around him.
- Behaviours and sarcastic reactions, cynical, often also frivolous.
- Constant mood swings
- Tendency to procrastinate. It is difficult for them to commit and fulfill their tasks.
- Difficulty to enjoy leisure moments.
- Insomnia, nightmares, continued awakenings.
- Physical and mental exhaustion.
How can we handle anger?
Often, when we read books or articles on how to handle anger, we see that most of them apply an incomplete approach, especially when we talk about hidden anger. To work this emotion is not enough to do relaxation exercises, with looking for a catalyst or a means of expression. These techniques help, but do not solve the problem at its source.
The most appropriate is that we consider the following ideas.
To handle hidden anger you have to go to the root of the problem, and in most cases it is the feeling of vulnerability. When people feel devalued, betrayed, when we see injustices, when we feel frustrated or angry with something or someone rages. We must, therefore, clarify the origin.
The second step is to work on self-esteem, self-worth. Sometimes, we will not be able to solve those problems that originated the hidden anger in us. Therefore, it is necessary that we work in ourselves, in repairing dignities, worth, human potential, appreciation for oneself.
Hidden anger has a great ruminant power. Our mind is always focused on that focus of pain, on that disappointment, on that fact of the past. This approach often clouds our judgment and leads to immense psychological burnout. It is necessary that we work a careful, useful and healthy internal dialogue.
Focus on repairing hidden anger, not feeding it
Anger is a fire that feeds our thoughts day after day. We intensify it with immobility, with procrastination, with a rigid mental focus that completely anchors to those facts of the past. If we really want to repair and heal the hidden anger, we must raise that anchor of yesterday and allow us to move forward repairing our damages.
Something like this is achieved by placing new objectives on the horizon, favoring changes, putting ourselves in new situations where we feel competent, where to connect with new people that bring us positivity. Sometimes, it is necessary to restart in all the senses to leave behind those burdens that did not allow us to breathe. Let’s think about it.