In the puzzle that makes up a relationship of couple, independence and commitment, sometimes, are two pieces difficult to fit. It is increasingly complex that the bond created by two people is maintained over time, either by fear of committing more, by choice or by any other circumstance. And as the sociologist Zigmunt Bauman would say, we live in the era of liquid relationships.
The couple relationship should promote a positive evolution of its members in which love and trust come reinforced, but also the commitment to oneself. That is, a relationship does not imply giving up what we are, but maintaining it and creating, in turn, a bond of love, support and affection. For this, you have to learn to manage the relationship in an appropriate way. Let’s deepen.
We are social beings and although each time it costs us more to ask or express affection, almost everyone likes to feel loved. Feeling this way is very pleasant and that feeling is strengthened when there is a good relationship.
What is the commitment of a couple
Any lasting relationship, be it labor, business, friendship or any other type requires a commitment on the part of those involved. In a couple the same thing happens: love alone is not enough, it requires the establishment of an agreement, that something that shows that you are willing to invest effort in the relationship.
Time passes, people evolve, routines are established and it is then when it becomes necessary for the parties to act by virtue of a mutual agreement to maintain the relationship in time. The commitment of a couple is key to the survival of the relationship.
Once the stage of falling in love is over, you begin to really know the other person, through a more objective look. Expectations cease to play a leading role and the bandage that we had is gone and, in some way, prevented us from seeing the essence of the other person.
From there, it is when the existence or not of a real love is put to the test. If this exists for both, you can go one step further to reach the commitment of a couple, to that agreement that provides stability and confidence in the future of courtship or marriage.
This type of commitment demands taking into account the needs of the other person and not only their own; as well as take care of yourself, spend quality time together, pursue the well-being of both and, above all, love each other.
How to manage the couple’s commitment in a satisfactory way
“To love is not to look at each other but rather to look both in the same direction”.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-
The psychologist and director of the Center for the Family in Transition Judith S. Wallerstein affirms that in order to manage and reinforce the commitment of a couple in order to reach a common future, the following keys and recommendations are fundamental.
1. That the couple be support in the face of adversity
It is impossible to avoid the discomfort or the discomforts of the day to day. Stress, excessive responsibilities, problems at work or the accumulation of worries cause situations that influence us negatively.
For that reason, having the couple to share how we meet or to vent is beneficial. In this way, lean on the other and take refuge in their affection in the face of daily adversity is recommended.
From this perspective, the couple is that union that promotes that both members listen to each other, support each other, take care of themselves and comfort each other. May it be that relief and rest, that calm that, at times, we need so much. The oasis of peace to which you can always and want to return. The ray of light between the darkness and the color to the cloudy days.
For this, it is essential:
- Listen actively.
- Let the other person speak.
- Feel empathy.
- Establish effective means of communication to express opinions.
- Avoid offending the other person when you transmit your opinions.
2. Managing crises properly
Crises can sometimes be inevitable and sometimes even necessary. They usually imply that the couple is in a process of evolution without remaining stuck in phases that should have been overcome, but it is very important to know how to lead them to keep the commitment intact.
The couple crisis is an opportunity for transformation and reinforcement of the bond of affection.
Thus, the management of the crisis in the couple can be carried out through patience, assertiveness, empathy, understanding, communication and mutual support. Of course, it is important to keep in mind that there will always be differences and that each of the members will carry a backpack full of influences from the past.
However, properly managing crises will allow adaptation to new and changing circumstances.
Mutual respect translates into embracing the other person’s individuality and accepting it as a being that complements you and not as someone who must think and act just like you.
Respect for the decisions and the way of thinking of the other, enriched by the spirit and the value given to these decisions, fosters this commitment in an important way.
4. Be honest
In a healthy relationship lying is not usually the best of ideas. We all have our secrets and we do not have to count them; but, it is quite different to lie intentionally and not be honest with the other party.
Therefore, making use of honesty and maintaining one’s authenticity with sincerity, while valuing the other’s way of being, with defects and virtues, is fundamental.
5. Maintain balance in the relationship
The commitment must be equitable for both parties. If one person invests in the relationship more than the other always and sticks to the commitment, while the other person tends to ignore it, the relationship is going to be very difficult.
Therefore, decisions, commitment and offering to the other must occur in a reciprocal way, without forgetting to appreciate and value what one does for the other.
As we can see, the commitment of a couple is fundamental if we want to maintain a long-term relationship. Love, empathy, effort and communication are those fundamental pillars that can help us. What you think?