We can all use kindness to treat difficult people. Because beyond what we can think, kindness is a shield and also a channel. With it, we see things more calmly and clearly, balance emotions and prevent the frustrations and bad mood of the other end up undermining us. We also manage more complex situations with greater efficiency.
We are not wrong if we say that there are those who maintain an erroneous idea about goodness. It is associated, perhaps, with that image in which one renounces or leaves aside one part for the welfare of the other. It is perhaps assumed that the kind person lacks that character with which to defend their rights, their dignity, and where to end up giving everything for nothing.
Taking these ideas for granted is an error. Because kindness is something more than being generous, considerate or kind. Actually, it is one of the best interpersonal skills, in addition to a psychological value that confers well-being to those who practice it. One example, Dacher Keltner, professor of psychology and director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, points out something interesting.
In his book Born to be Good, he tells us about many of the theories that Charles Darwin defended and that over time, were modified or assumed in another way. For example, he never said that human evolution depended exclusively on competitiveness or who is the strongest specimen. Actually, Darwin became more interested in survival from the framework of social cooperation.
Thus, in books such as The expression of emotions in man and animals, comes to extol the importance of goodness to deal with the daily difficulties of human beings.
How to use kindness to treat difficult people
When it comes to using kindness to treat difficult people we must first understand some simple aspects. In studies like those carried out by Kanako Otsuko and Barbara L. Fredrickson of the University of Tokyo (Japan) we are reminded that this dimension is based on the following principles:
- Goodness is knowing how to objectively see the needs of the other.
- It implies, in turn, being proactive. It is not enough to want to “be good”, goodness is actively practiced.
- Likewise, kindness is to make use of the truth. Being sincere is an indispensable value.
- People who practice this dimension, in turn, use flexible thinking. They apply a growth mindset.
- Last and not least. Goodness is also to be kind to oneself, to know how to respect oneself in order to respect others.
Let’s see below what dimensions can help us when using kindness to treat difficult people.
Goodness allows us to avoid being permeable to the negativity of the other
Goodness is inner peace. It is to make use of that balance where you do not let yourself be overwhelmed by what others tell us. In this way, when dealing with difficult people, this personal state will allow us to set limits and adequate containment barriers.
That serenity of character will also allow us not to be affected by certain words and behaviors. Likewise, we will be less vulnerable to states of stress.
“When doing good, you never lack a prize”.
-Miguel de Cervantes-
Understand to act better
Goodness is empathy. Only when we are able to put ourselves in the reality of the other (without this affecting us) will we understand and be able to react better. We can not forget that behind the difficult people are often very complex realities.
Thus, it is very common for these profiles to drag with them the weight of low self-esteem, of a complex past, unresolved grudges as well as infinite fears. Being able to understand them is always a good step.
You will communicate better
When it comes to using kindness to treat difficult people, communication is everything. If we do it from calm, respect and express desire to generate a good or an improvement, good results can be seen.
As we have indicated before, the kind person always makes use of sincerity. That way, although we do not believe it, the truth is always a good strategy to go ahead against difficult people. Being assertive, but respectful, being warm but firm, kind but rigorous in our arguments, will allow us to deal with them effectively.
You will know when to leave and when to stay
Goodness is bighead. Know when something is worthwhile, understand at what times and in what people it is worth investing time and effort. There are difficult profiles that act that way because they deal with some trauma or with personal situations that they do not know how to handle.
Helping them, being respectful and able to understand their perspectives is something that is definitely worth putting into practice. We also do it because it makes us feel good, because goodness always generates benefits and increases well-being.
Now, when it comes to using kindness to treat difficult people, we must also know at what times it is better to give up trying. Whether we want it or not, there are situations capable of breaking that inner calm. Experiences that in the long term will not generate any benefit, but quite the opposite.
Feet of a woman while walking to symbolize how to use kindness to treat difficult people
Therefore, knowing at what time it is better to put distance is also wisdom. Moreover, no one is less good if at any given time he decides to look for him and not for the other, not if that other person has no will to change or to exercise respect.