Unconscious Love: What is it About?

Love can produce in us a metamorphosis. With love we can transform ourselves into someone far away. We even ignore ourselves.

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Love can produce in us a metamorphosis. With love we can transform ourselves into someone far away. We even ignore ourselves. And is that love is a feeling so difficult to explain that sometimes we can refer to it as: unconscious love.

Now, each one has its own definition of love based on what was lived, what was read, what was heard … Here we will talk about it as defined by the Royal Spanish Academy of Language (RAE) “that feeling towards another person, who naturally it attracts, and that, seeking reciprocity in the desire for union, it completes us, makes us happy and gives us the energy to live together, communicate and create “.

Today we will emphasize the love that goes beyond consciousness. We can discover what it is, what are the characteristics of this type of love and how to identify it.

“While we consciously fear not being loved, the real fear, although usually unconscious, is to love.”

-Erich Fromm-

Unconscious love, what is it about?

When we speak of unconscious love, we refer to that love that moves through our dreams, desires, fears, impulses and emotions, which goes hand in hand with our instincts and drives. It is difficult to access for our conscience, because its contents are repressed, or at least part of them.

Now, have you ever wondered, why do people in our lives who attract us deeply, but at the same time are the essence of our frustrations? Perhaps because there are unconscious aspects that lead us to that attraction, which could later turn into an unconscious love.

So, sometimes we do not know why we deeply love that person we have next to, we just feel it with great intensity. And that is the key so that we are by his side, being happy or not. In addition, the love we describe is the one that leads us to take choices beyond our consciousness. And, although it may seem impossible to understand, the truth is that we could, at least in part.

Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis, suggested that the unconscious manifests itself through dreams, creativity, mistakes, and symptoms, among other factors. Then, we could recognize those aspects while being attentive to their manifestations. In addition, through psychoanalysis this content can also be accessed.

Psychoanalysis itself suggests that we make unconscious choices, and one of them may be love. And, we do it according to the development of our personality, our experiences and the influence of culture.

Thanks to the role of unconscious mechanisms, we would look for a love that satisfies our needs, even those we do not know, that we have isolated or encapsulated. That is why it is difficult to understand why we make choices that can be toxic to our lives. When we do not know where it comes from, we choose it without being conscious.

However, do not confuse unconscious love with toxic: it can be or not. That is going to depend as much on the mechanisms as on the experiences that each one possesses. It can also be a blind love, in which we do not see the other as it really is and we even idealize it, hoping that it meets all our expectations.

Characteristics of unconscious love

Let’s observe what usually characterizes an unconscious love:

  • Idealization. It can be a feature of unconscious love when we overestimate someone, to appease what ails us. That is, using it as a defense mechanism.
  • Suplement. Since it is a way of satisfying our needs, and a construction that as suggested by the French psychoanalyst Lacan, it has to do with culture, and language.
  • Joy. It is a drive satisfaction, that is, the crossing between the symbolic and the real.
  • Instinctive. It is a love that arises from the deepest part of our being, instincts, impulses and desire. Aspects that escape from our conscious self.
  • Unconscious mental image. This image affects our choices, and is the result of our experiences, desires, instincts, fears and legacies.
  • Loving unconsciously goes beyond what we see in reality. It moves through the aspects of our inner world. And, it baffles us because we do not know those mechanisms by which it moves.

How to identify unconscious love in our lives?

Although it may seem complicated, there are ways to bring that unconscious love to light. In contrast, we will never have absolute control over this. Let’s see some ways to identify it:

  • Self-knowledge Being attentive to what happens in our inner world can help us to realize that love that goes beyond consciousness. Although we can not access all its content, through the manifestations of the unconscious we can see part.
  • Psychotherapy. The psychotherapist can get to see those aspects that we do not see, because he is an expert in identifying manifestations. In addition, he is able to translate them into words that are understandable to us.
  • We do not know why we are with who we are. If we ask ourselves, what do I do with this person? It can be an indication of an unconscious mor.
  • When we would not know how to describe that love. If we do not know how it happened and we can not put into words what we feel, it could be an unconscious love.
  • We idealize someone. By using idealization as a defense mechanism, to evade our anguish.
  • Self-aggression without knowing why. When we have a toxic relationship, we allow everything and we do not know how to escape because there is “something” that binds us.
  • Our ideas of love do not represent love. When the love we possess does not represent what we believe in love.
  • Unconscious love is the one that can go beyond all logic. It is as difficult to understand, as to put words. It is rather an intense feeling that is, but we do not know how it arose or why.

It is a love that is born from our old wounds, from our desires, learnings, fears, legacies, impulses. It is a love that can lead us to choices never thought of. It is a love that transforms, because we see it so alien … when in reality it is closely linked to our inner world.