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Steel Hearts: People who Hide What they Feel

Steel hearts make us look less sensitive. In view of others we can see ourselves as cold and without feelings, although inside what we live is diverse.

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We speak of those who are cold, not very compassionate and may even seem indolent. These are people who have such a hard heart, that few emotions reach beyond their borders and transcend the layer of consciousness. We refer to steel hearts.

To the eyes that do not cry, to the lips that do not usually smile, to the hands that do not touch. To those who never abandon their role as spectators, those who give the impression that nothing that happens implies or cares about them. So fragile, although they appear to be so strong …

“Sometimes we put on a breastplate, believing that in that way we will not feel pain, but we do not see that by isolating ourselves we are hurting ourselves.”

How are steel hearts?

When we speak of “hearts of steel” we emphasize those who have difficulty expressing what they feel. We show you some of its features:

  • Assumption. They may come to believe that others should know how they feel. So, stop showing it.
  • They can be perfectionists. These are subjects who find it hard to admit that they make mistakes. And showing weakness is part of it.
  • Low self-esteem. It generates inability to show feelings, because they feel so unworthy that they think it is not worth expressing themselves.
  • Fear. It can be people who are afraid to face conflicts and show their emotions.
  • Catastrophic thinking. They may think that everything is lost. So, why do more?
  • Ignorance. These people may not know how to communicate.
  • Shy. There are people who still feel the desire to share what happens to them, are restrained by the anxiety caused by the fact of starting to walk on land they do not know.
  • Protection. People with steel hearts may be hiding what they feel to protect themselves.
  • They use it as a defense mechanism against the possibility of being vulnerable.
  • Difficulty to feel. It means that they find it hard to listen to each other, which makes it difficult for them to determine how they are doing.

Each person is a world, in it is its authenticity. People with steel hearts can count on one or more of these characteristics. The common denominator of all is that they are not able to open a space for emotions.

However, the fact that they do not express emotions does not mean that they do not feel them. Steel heart people feel, the problem is that they do not know or do not want to communicate it. The mechanisms by which this happens can be conscious or not.

How do steel hearts act?

These types of people can show themselves to others as very strong, or very distant. Then, it gives the impression that they are insensitive.

However, there may be people who are as cold as icebergs, so much so that they do not even have compassion or generate empathy with the other. It is about people with psychopathy. But, not all steel hearts are. As we have explained before, some are like that because of shyness, fear, perfection, etc.

Manage emotions, how to do it?

It is important to learn to manage emotions. Why? In this way he is more assertive in relationships with himself, and with others. Let’s see how to do it:

  • Accept our feelings. Recognizing our emotions and accepting that we have them will help us grow and know ourselves better.
  • Focus on self-esteem. When we recognize the value we have, we realize how important we are. This will help us know that our emotions are too. Then, we can focus our attention on them when necessary to grow as people and improve our relationships.
  • Release. Sometimes, when shyness governs us, we lock ourselves in a prison and throw away the key for that anxiety caused by the encounter with the other.
  • Face fears. We may be afraid, but it is important that apart from recognizing it, we understand why it arises and let it go out. Thus, it will be easier to express what we feel.
  • In addition, if we leave aside what they will say or our assumptions about how others will react or how they should react, it will be easier to live authentic moments and express ourselves without pressure.
  • Try expressing emotions. When we take a good part of our life without showing what we feel, making it seem like a very difficult matter. So, to soften the slope, we can start doing it with understanding people very close to us, this will facilitate the task.
  • Self-knowledge. If we know how we are, it will be easier to identify our emotions and express them in an assertive way.
  • Emotions are a whole world. Managing them is not a simple matter, however, nor an impossible challenge. The essential thing is to recognize them, live them, know how to express them and what are the appropriate moments for it.

We are not all equal, therefore each one expresses them in a way; Although at first it may seem innocent, this accumulation of feelings can overwhelm us.

Benefits of leaving “steel hearts” aside

When we talk about leaving steel hearts aside, we are not referring to people, but to those rigid and cold hearts with which we sometimes count. Doing so will bring us great benefits. Let’s see which:

  • Reduce anxiety
  • Increase empathy.
  • It reduces stress.
  • It favors that they know us more.
  • Increase self-knowledge
  • Strengthen relationships with others and with us.
  • Improve our self-esteem
  • Assertive communication is favored.

Certainly, to have these benefits, it is also appropriate that we have from small educational practices that make us more aware of our emotions. This is what Arís Redo suggests in his article for the magazine Comunicación Vivat Academia, in which he explains the importance of emotional education for both teachers and students.

Although there are people “steel hearts”, it does not mean that they can not soften their hearts little by little. Through emotional management, they will be more assertive when expressing emotions, and little by little they will be removing that strong armor that makes them look insensitive.

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