Emotions can lead us to react quickly to situations that require an urgent response, but, paradoxically, they can also anchor us in the past if we do not know how to manage them well. The case of resentment is the clearest example of the latter: through it, a past experience is able to keep us reliving again and again the feeling of annoyance that we once lived, but in reality we would not have to be suffering in the present.
In this article we will see several keys on how to overcome resentment, reorient our emotions and stop feeling frustrated by something that no longer has the importance we give it.
Overcome resentment, step by step
These are some keys to understanding how resentment can be overcome. Of course, we must not lose sight of the fact that each case is unique and we must know how to adapt these ideas to the way in which we live in a specific context and time.
1. Define the reason for your resentment
The vast majority of occasions in which resentment is experienced, this is directed towards a particular person or group (regardless of the size of the latter).
Therefore, the first step in facing this psychological phenomenon is to detect against whom we are directing this hostility. This is something that can be a matter of seconds in some cases, but sometimes it is somewhat complex, especially when that against which we adopt negative attitudes is something rather abstract.
In any case, identifying this element will help us to undo this dynamic of hostility as quickly as possible.
2. Note the negative consequences of feeling resentment
The main reason why you want to get rid of resentment is to stop harming yourself.
It is important to keep this in mind, because if we do not do it, there will be a paradox that the fact of fantasizing about the humiliation or defeat of who we believe has hurt us is something that keeps us in a state that makes us suffer, so that we give that other person more power over us than we would normally have.
So, stop and think and make a list of the negative consequences of feeling as you feel to harbour that antipathy towards someone, without forgetting that time is also an aspect to be taken into account: the longer we prolong this phase, the longer it will last your damages.
3. Assume that accepting is not forgiving
Sometimes, forgiveness is practically impossible, or so complicated that the cost of trying to overcome the possible positive consequences in terms of effort and time. Therefore, think about the difference between forgiveness and acceptance.
To deal with a person or have them around on a day-to-day basis, it does not need to be our friend, that we can trust her or that we like her. Accepting that some people are not made to have an important role in our lives is necessary to overcome the resentment that in some cases we may harbor against someone.
4. Do not let the zero contact enslave you
Sometimes, getting away from a person is good for overcoming the first phase of anger, but this stage should not go on too long if we do not want the negative consequences of seeing our freedom restricted when moving us to become another source of discomfort and resentment.
5. Learn not to take it personally
Not taking something personally does not mean ingratiating yourself with someone and assuming you did not intend to hurt us. In fact, the world is full of people who, given the right conditions, can try to hurt us, but that does not mean that we should give importance to their intentions.
If we adopt a distant perspective, we will see that the events only matter if we give it to them, and that unless we give prominence to those who offend us, we can make what they think of us or the fact that they try to make us uncomfortable. importance.
6. Assume that people are not perfect
Finally, we will save ourselves many moments of anger and resentment if we learn to accept that making mistakes is not in itself a reason for us to antagonize someone, even if that has significant negative consequences for us.
Life is not perfect and everyone has moments when their strength fails or when they make the wrong decisions. If that produces frustration, it is one thing, but it does not imply that we should blame someone for being wrong.